why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
