So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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