Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
