I heard we made out
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
