I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
