the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
