last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
