You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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