Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
