I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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