I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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