He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
