Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
