oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
