made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize