Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
