I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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