i don't like sucking hair
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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