so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
