this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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