his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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