My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
