your parents love me but you hate me
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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