only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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