I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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