He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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