im drinking this country out of the recession.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
