evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
