oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
