No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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