meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
