Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
