Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
