she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
