You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
