Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
