just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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