Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
