I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
