I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
