Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
