What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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