So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
