well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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