brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
