I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
