Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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