Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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