Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
