i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
