Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
