They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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