Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
