I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
