I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
