the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
