i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
